Show Up. Be there, damnit!
A guest blog post: by Meghan Row
"There are few people that come into your life and become a lifelong friend. It takes a certain type of special to be there for someone during their ups and downs of life, as you also navigate the rollercoaster of your own life. Through school, work, relationships and family, there have been few constants in my life since I was a child. Melody rolled into my life like a complete psycho back in 2007 and has been one friend I have continually been able to rely on since.
Seriously though, my very first thought of Melody was, “wow, this chick seems kind of weird,” as I read the MySpace message she sent to me about how our then-boyfriends were best friends, therefore we should be best friends. I hesitantly responded to her request to meet up thinking it may be fun to go on double dates and hang out together. Little did I know, our meet up would be the beginning of a life long friendship.
We have this saying with one another, that I would like the rest of this post to be about, and I [insincerely] apologize in advance for my use of profanities. Ready for it? Show up.
Do you want to be a good friend or family member? Show up. Be there for your friends and family when they need you. I don’t mean drop everything you are doing the instant somebody needs something from you. You would never do anything for yourself at that point. What I mean is show up when it really matters. Be present when someone truly needs you.
Your friend just lost someone close to them? Be there.
Your family member is really ill? Be there.
Your cousin just had a baby and needs help? Be there.
Your best friend is just having a hard time finding themselves? Be there.
Don’t be the person that only shows up when there is something for you to gain from others during their high times. Be there for them during their lowest of lows. Be there because you care for and love the other person. Be there because you want what is best for them. Be there, because you know they would be there for you.
Just fucking be there. For the things that really matter.
Mel - Heres to 10 years of friendship. For always being there when I need you and for me [hopefully] always being there when you need me. Love you lots, you psycho."
I couldn't have said it better myself. The older we get the harder we have to work to maintain our friendships. Day to day you're not always going to have time to text, snapchat, or pick up the phone. That's normal, it's just an aspect of growing up. Were at the age where people's careers are taking off, or their families are growing. We need to remain focussed on whatever it is we're doing. But when those big moments come, show up.
I recently watched a sermon given by a pastor in Phoenix that was all about how friendships can effect our lives. He referenced a study that said that the reason Italian women (for the win) live longer than essentially any one on the planet is because of their deep relationships with other people. He went through what he considered to be the four tiers of friendships, and as I listened I considered all of the people I considered to be my friends. As he moved up each tier it was both fascinating and heart breaking to see which people didn't move on to the next round. It was telling and amazing to see which ones made it to that top tier. Which led me to wonder if my friends were to listen to this same message, where would I fall on their tiers?
We all want to believe that we're top tier friends, that when anyone we care about needs us that we'd do anything for them. But were human, and a lot of the time we fall short of the mark.
So to the friends who have shown up to celebrate my victories and to comfort me during my losses I thank you. I hope that I have proven myself an equally loyal friend.
(For anyone who would like to listen to the sermon I referenced https://my.ccv.church/watch/message?MessageId=3189)